How do people manage being stay at home moms? I still don't get it. The only thing that makes sense to me is that they either become very mellow and just accept the facts or they were very mellow in their personalty prior to being confined to their homes. Maybe some develop depression. I'm at a point of wanting to jump out of my skin sometimes. I guess today I do.
I mean, I love my baby and my hubby and I'm glad that I'm the one to take care of my baby and his not stuck at daycare somewhere and that I'm not forced to go out and work. But... the truth is that I want to get out and work! Trying to deny it just has the opposite results I think. Also, I have a paradox. I want to get up every morning get dressed, put my make up on, put high heal shoes on, pack my baby with me, get in the car and go to work. Maybe get some coffee on the way. Oh wait wait... rewind... rewind...rewind...Oh I love coffee, too bad I can't have any! uh. So I can't have coffee, I can't pack my baby with me to work, oh and I don't have a job or know of any jobs that accept little 8 months old babies while wearing high heal shoes either! So I'm back to square one. Hi, this is me, with a smile. So this is my paradox, and we do want to have more babies so this won't get better any time soon.
So I ask again - how do people do this?! How do you stay at home, sleep at home, and wake up at home, stay at home, sleep at home and wake up at the same home again? No wonder developing sleep problems becomes a piece of cake when there's nothing more exciting to do (on a regular basis I mean). My baby is very exciting, but not 8 hours a day every day. I think I would like to just "pop" all the 3 to 4 kids we want now, stay at home with them until they are 3 years old and be done with it. They can go to a pre-school and I can get out of the house and go to work!
The other day I watched this documentary called "Born Rich" about these young adults who are so rich that neither them or most of their parents have the need to work, and they were saying how being rich doesn't make you happy this doesn't mean that they want to be poor, it just means that it doesn't make you happy and it doesn't prevent any other types of pain to from happening. I felt like I can totally relate. Funny isn't it? Well I do feel very "rich". I have everything I need and I don't have to go to work because I'm home with my baby. He really is an easy baby which is good, but still I have this energy that needs to be directed towards something in life otherwise I feel like I'm going to explode, but I don't always feel this way all the time, just once in a while, especially when something exciting happens and I realize that I haven't been this excited for months.
Uh, those superhero stay at home moms. I don't think I'm one of them. I think I can't wait until I can go out and work. Have to go now, need to wipe some of David's spit up off the carpet!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
New Post for a New Day
Today has been really really good. I slept well and woke up to the sun light shining into our bedroom. I felt great!
I slept well, had some weird dreams but not as weird as I used to have. Ever since David was about 4 weeks old, I've been having lots of weird dreams. Last night in one of my dreams I was in labor dilated to 10 cm waiting for the nurse to tell me to push, but for some reason there were other women around me in the same situation and I was wondering why we all have the same one nurse and who's going to push first. Then I was wondering about the pain, and some other weird stuff were happening. But no, we're not expecting baby #2. Last time I had a dream about a baby it turned out that David was on his way, it just that we didn't find out until a few weeks later on. what a happy surprise he was! I still sometimes ask Ethan how did we get this little guy?!
We also had a nice time at church today, got to see some of our friends and listen to a message about Jahova's Witnesses and others trying to talk about Jesus when in fact they have some other "Jesus" in mind who isn't God. It's funny, since we had them "tackle" our neighborhood recently and coming to our door more than once. I wonder if this week was their national "knock on someone's door day" or something. When they knocked on our door and I got to talk to them a little bit, I really felt uncomfortable, even angry a bit. I told this lady that I was a Christian but different from her because I believe that Jesus is God and she wanted me to prove it to her from the bible right there on the spot and she was really mad too which made me feel this weird anger that I haven't felt in a long time. Now, I was holding my dog from running out the door and David was behind me taking his baby talk so I decided that I really didn't want to get into this with her and it shouldn't be in anger either. Now why would she get this angry attitude? Maybe it's the Satan who claims that Jesus isn't God, facing against my Spirit who claims the truth!
After church we stopped at an Asian food store and got some ingredients for Drunken Noodles. Took a while to peel and chop the garlic and little Thai peppers and then crush them all together, plus chop all the other different Chile peppers and veggies... fortunately my dear hubby was helping which made it easier to prepare it all and at the end we had an amazing lunch, maybe a little bit too spicy but still great and worth while making!
I slept well, had some weird dreams but not as weird as I used to have. Ever since David was about 4 weeks old, I've been having lots of weird dreams. Last night in one of my dreams I was in labor dilated to 10 cm waiting for the nurse to tell me to push, but for some reason there were other women around me in the same situation and I was wondering why we all have the same one nurse and who's going to push first. Then I was wondering about the pain, and some other weird stuff were happening. But no, we're not expecting baby #2. Last time I had a dream about a baby it turned out that David was on his way, it just that we didn't find out until a few weeks later on. what a happy surprise he was! I still sometimes ask Ethan how did we get this little guy?!
We also had a nice time at church today, got to see some of our friends and listen to a message about Jahova's Witnesses and others trying to talk about Jesus when in fact they have some other "Jesus" in mind who isn't God. It's funny, since we had them "tackle" our neighborhood recently and coming to our door more than once. I wonder if this week was their national "knock on someone's door day" or something. When they knocked on our door and I got to talk to them a little bit, I really felt uncomfortable, even angry a bit. I told this lady that I was a Christian but different from her because I believe that Jesus is God and she wanted me to prove it to her from the bible right there on the spot and she was really mad too which made me feel this weird anger that I haven't felt in a long time. Now, I was holding my dog from running out the door and David was behind me taking his baby talk so I decided that I really didn't want to get into this with her and it shouldn't be in anger either. Now why would she get this angry attitude? Maybe it's the Satan who claims that Jesus isn't God, facing against my Spirit who claims the truth!
After church we stopped at an Asian food store and got some ingredients for Drunken Noodles. Took a while to peel and chop the garlic and little Thai peppers and then crush them all together, plus chop all the other different Chile peppers and veggies... fortunately my dear hubby was helping which made it easier to prepare it all and at the end we had an amazing lunch, maybe a little bit too spicy but still great and worth while making!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Sleep Therapy and My Cousin's Wife
Recently I came across a very interesting book. It's called "No More Sleepless Nights". I only wish I read it months ago when my insomnia started. I'm much better now, but still once in a while I find myself dealing with sleep problems. It's not as bad as it used to be but only because I've been working really hard on caring less about sleep and caring more about being busy and wearing myself out socially and physically, off course all of my success I credit to God, because really without God I would have not being able to do a thing.
However, it seems as if my insomnia keeps visiting me every once in a while. It was every 3 nights for a few nights, then every 7-10 days for a few nights and now it's at a point of every 2 weeks. Now it can be quite annoying when you think that you're pass something and then it comes back for a "visit" to remind you that it's still there. So not caring about it much made it easier for me, but having this unwanted visitor every once in a while can create a type of anxiety! So... here are a few interesting things I've learned from this amazing book:
1. We have 2 clocks we are on. One goes by the sun (the 24 hour clock), the other one is biological that has to do with the chemicals in our blood that need to get "refreshed" in order for us to feel "well" when we are awake. The problem is that the two clocks have different amount of hours for different people. So one clock is on a 24 hour schedule and the other one could be 28 hour schedule. This means that if you don't "reset" these clocks every morning (by getting up early in the morning with an alarm before you feel comfortable to get up) then you might get to the point were you feel sleepy all day and night but can't sleep all night and day which is the most serious form of insomnia and the worst part is that this can continue indefinitely. If you don't "reset" your clocks every morning and get up whenever you feel like it than once clock will be showing that it's 9 pm (and you feel tired) and the other one will be showing that it's 7am (and you feel completely awake), so you won't be able to get any deep sleep done and feel awful.
I should add that my cousin's wife is currently suffering from this condition and she's at the point of not wanting to live because she's so depressed and can't sleep. Also part of the problem with her is that she spends the whole day and night resting in bed but not sleeping, not because she doesn't want to, but because she just can't. Now, based on this book I'm reading, her brain goes to sleep for probably 20 minutes or so every few hours but it's never in complete sleep. So when every one in the family tells her that she should get out of bed and get busy because this will improve her sleep, she just doesn't listen and says she too tired to do anything and keeps suffering and talking about suicide. This is very sad, but when someone is asking for help but doesn't follow the advice you give them, then I don't know how can anyone help them. I just pray and hope she won't be "leaving" her husband and son because of all this.
2. I learned that the older you get the less hours of sleep you actually need. So newborn babies sleep the most and the elderly suffer from insomnia the most. This doesn't mean that if you're older then you should expect sleep problems. It just means that you shouldn't get concerned about sleep if you sleep less now than before. Also if you feel like your sleep is less restoring than it used to be then instead of spending more time in bed, try to spend less. If you had a bad night of only a few hours of sleep or no sleep at all then that day you need to exhaust yourself even more and then get up with an alarm early the next morning even if you had another sleepless night. It's a type of a paradox isn't it?!
3. The most important thing I've learned is that you should never ever take sleeping pills if you have insomnia or tendency towards insomnia, even if you don't have insomnia - don't take it!
Here's why... our bodies know what put them to sleep and you can not cheat them. So if you took a sleeping pill and slept for a night then you are very likely to have "rebound insomnia" the next time you try to sleep. Rebound insomnia is always worst then the initial insomnia; I can attest to that from personal experience. Also rebound insomnia can last for one night or for a few weeks, all depends on how many night you "borrowed" sleep using sleeping pills. Also, you can develop and probably develop bedtime anxiety which will make your nights frightening instead of relaxing and this can add on top of insomnia and keep it going just because of that. Now, if you do decide to take something to go to sleep, then just be prepared to "pay" for that sleep with some unwanted awake time later on.
There are many more interesting things in this book, I can't write about all of them, but can just say that I've been going to bed later these last few days and getting up with my alarm at 6 am every morning and it takes me less and less time to relax and fall asleep at night which makes me happy during the day and if I'm busy and out during the following day it makes everything even better. Maybe I should change my blog's name to Happy Mom of One?... hmm..
However, it seems as if my insomnia keeps visiting me every once in a while. It was every 3 nights for a few nights, then every 7-10 days for a few nights and now it's at a point of every 2 weeks. Now it can be quite annoying when you think that you're pass something and then it comes back for a "visit" to remind you that it's still there. So not caring about it much made it easier for me, but having this unwanted visitor every once in a while can create a type of anxiety! So... here are a few interesting things I've learned from this amazing book:
1. We have 2 clocks we are on. One goes by the sun (the 24 hour clock), the other one is biological that has to do with the chemicals in our blood that need to get "refreshed" in order for us to feel "well" when we are awake. The problem is that the two clocks have different amount of hours for different people. So one clock is on a 24 hour schedule and the other one could be 28 hour schedule. This means that if you don't "reset" these clocks every morning (by getting up early in the morning with an alarm before you feel comfortable to get up) then you might get to the point were you feel sleepy all day and night but can't sleep all night and day which is the most serious form of insomnia and the worst part is that this can continue indefinitely. If you don't "reset" your clocks every morning and get up whenever you feel like it than once clock will be showing that it's 9 pm (and you feel tired) and the other one will be showing that it's 7am (and you feel completely awake), so you won't be able to get any deep sleep done and feel awful.
I should add that my cousin's wife is currently suffering from this condition and she's at the point of not wanting to live because she's so depressed and can't sleep. Also part of the problem with her is that she spends the whole day and night resting in bed but not sleeping, not because she doesn't want to, but because she just can't. Now, based on this book I'm reading, her brain goes to sleep for probably 20 minutes or so every few hours but it's never in complete sleep. So when every one in the family tells her that she should get out of bed and get busy because this will improve her sleep, she just doesn't listen and says she too tired to do anything and keeps suffering and talking about suicide. This is very sad, but when someone is asking for help but doesn't follow the advice you give them, then I don't know how can anyone help them. I just pray and hope she won't be "leaving" her husband and son because of all this.
2. I learned that the older you get the less hours of sleep you actually need. So newborn babies sleep the most and the elderly suffer from insomnia the most. This doesn't mean that if you're older then you should expect sleep problems. It just means that you shouldn't get concerned about sleep if you sleep less now than before. Also if you feel like your sleep is less restoring than it used to be then instead of spending more time in bed, try to spend less. If you had a bad night of only a few hours of sleep or no sleep at all then that day you need to exhaust yourself even more and then get up with an alarm early the next morning even if you had another sleepless night. It's a type of a paradox isn't it?!
3. The most important thing I've learned is that you should never ever take sleeping pills if you have insomnia or tendency towards insomnia, even if you don't have insomnia - don't take it!
Here's why... our bodies know what put them to sleep and you can not cheat them. So if you took a sleeping pill and slept for a night then you are very likely to have "rebound insomnia" the next time you try to sleep. Rebound insomnia is always worst then the initial insomnia; I can attest to that from personal experience. Also rebound insomnia can last for one night or for a few weeks, all depends on how many night you "borrowed" sleep using sleeping pills. Also, you can develop and probably develop bedtime anxiety which will make your nights frightening instead of relaxing and this can add on top of insomnia and keep it going just because of that. Now, if you do decide to take something to go to sleep, then just be prepared to "pay" for that sleep with some unwanted awake time later on.
There are many more interesting things in this book, I can't write about all of them, but can just say that I've been going to bed later these last few days and getting up with my alarm at 6 am every morning and it takes me less and less time to relax and fall asleep at night which makes me happy during the day and if I'm busy and out during the following day it makes everything even better. Maybe I should change my blog's name to Happy Mom of One?... hmm..
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday Adventures with My Little "D"
Yesterday I left him at the nursery at church. Usually he doesn't have any problems staying there, except 2 weeks ago when they forgot to change him or feed him. Fortunately I came to check on him that day and found was able to do all these things, but I was still shocked to discover that they confused him with another baby and didn't read the feeding instructions or checked his diaper. I know that this isn't typical, because I work at the nursery on Tuesdays and we always feed and change all the babies. So this time I came in and he had wet tears rolling down his eyes. They said he was sitting on the floor and fell over and bumped his head. Hmmm. How about... why would you let him sit on his own?! He's 7 months old, doesn't crawl, walk, climb or and can't lift himself up from tummy to a sitting position. So all he can do is sit straight without support, but he definitely can't help himself if he tumbles over. I don't let him sit without watching him at home, so why would anyone let him do this at the church nursery.
Anyway. I took my little "D" with me to the service and wiped his tears. We went to sit at the "Cry-room" a room with a noise proof one way window to the service. The down side of that room is that for some reason all the babies in there are usually asleep, so even though it's the "cry-room" you feel forced to leave the room if your baby is making noises. Doesn't make sense does it?! Well, David wasn't going to sleep, and he was making noises, pretty loud ones. So... we went back to the nursery, and the nursery had a sign out that pretty much said "Sorry, we're full, but you can stay here with your baby." So little "D" and mommy stayed at the nursery together. I think they had 6 people working there and about 13 little ones. A lot! I let David play with some toy and he was happy and surprisingly quiet, he wasn't even looking my way. He really acted like an independent baby who did not need his mommy there. Oh this little guy, already has a mind of his own!
Anyway. I took my little "D" with me to the service and wiped his tears. We went to sit at the "Cry-room" a room with a noise proof one way window to the service. The down side of that room is that for some reason all the babies in there are usually asleep, so even though it's the "cry-room" you feel forced to leave the room if your baby is making noises. Doesn't make sense does it?! Well, David wasn't going to sleep, and he was making noises, pretty loud ones. So... we went back to the nursery, and the nursery had a sign out that pretty much said "Sorry, we're full, but you can stay here with your baby." So little "D" and mommy stayed at the nursery together. I think they had 6 people working there and about 13 little ones. A lot! I let David play with some toy and he was happy and surprisingly quiet, he wasn't even looking my way. He really acted like an independent baby who did not need his mommy there. Oh this little guy, already has a mind of his own!
Friday, April 15, 2011
David
In the last few days our baby David started walking in his walker, and not just sideways and backwards like he used to. He is actually walking forward by standing on the tips of his toes and leaning his little body forward. It just happened overnight! We came back from Spokane, and the next morning David decided to come see how mommy is doing the dishes. He walked towards the dishwasher and tried to get his hands on whatever he could. I pulled him back from there since I was loading the washer with dirty dishes, and a minute later he was back at the same spot (between me and the dishwasher). I was shocked! I had to pull him back a few times just to believe that he's actually doing this on purpose!
When Ethan came home that day, I told him to stay at the door and just call David. So Ethan stood at the door smiling and asking our baby to come see daddy and there he was, walking towards daddy in his little walker! This was really exciting. Today however, two days later I'm a little worried because in these last two days David pulled the power cord out of my laptop a few times, he pulled on the towel hanging on the stove door and opened it, he picked up a cellphone charging cord and was ready to play with it all by himself and he walked down the hallway trying to get into the bathroom, also all by himself! I'm glad his walker is designed not to fit through the doorway! David spent about 10 minutes in the bathroom doorways trying all kind of manipulation in order to get in there and after more than a few failed attempts he turned around and came back to the living room to chat with Grandma over Skype.
This baby definitely has a will of his own, it's just that I've never actually seen it. Today when he kept pulling the power cord out of my laptop and I kept saying "no" and plugging it back in, I realized that he doesn't understand what "no" means. So... how do I teach a 7 months old baby what "no" means?! I tried making an angry voice, but David thought it was funny and laughed. Hmm... I'll have to spend some time making our house safer for my "mobile" baby, and figure out how to teach him to listen to mommy. Now how do I do this the right way?
When Ethan came home that day, I told him to stay at the door and just call David. So Ethan stood at the door smiling and asking our baby to come see daddy and there he was, walking towards daddy in his little walker! This was really exciting. Today however, two days later I'm a little worried because in these last two days David pulled the power cord out of my laptop a few times, he pulled on the towel hanging on the stove door and opened it, he picked up a cellphone charging cord and was ready to play with it all by himself and he walked down the hallway trying to get into the bathroom, also all by himself! I'm glad his walker is designed not to fit through the doorway! David spent about 10 minutes in the bathroom doorways trying all kind of manipulation in order to get in there and after more than a few failed attempts he turned around and came back to the living room to chat with Grandma over Skype.
This baby definitely has a will of his own, it's just that I've never actually seen it. Today when he kept pulling the power cord out of my laptop and I kept saying "no" and plugging it back in, I realized that he doesn't understand what "no" means. So... how do I teach a 7 months old baby what "no" means?! I tried making an angry voice, but David thought it was funny and laughed. Hmm... I'll have to spend some time making our house safer for my "mobile" baby, and figure out how to teach him to listen to mommy. Now how do I do this the right way?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Thursday
Sleep
Today I'm happier than I was yesterday, because my day is going to be busier and includes helping someone, getting out of the house, painting, and not cleaning the kitchen! How exciting! Also I had a full night of sleep, which always makes my mornings sweet. I think I had a case of "Postpartum Anxiety" that created some heavy sleep difficulties for me in the last few months. I'm glad to announce that I think I'm finally past it and back to normal. Thanks God! Really, it really was all up to the Lord, and I'm glad it's over.
Running
My plans for today also include going out for a long long walk, and possibly a run with my dear hubby when he comes home from work. He's training for a half marathon and has been running more than a few times a week, every week. I'm proud of him!
Today I'm happier than I was yesterday, because my day is going to be busier and includes helping someone, getting out of the house, painting, and not cleaning the kitchen! How exciting! Also I had a full night of sleep, which always makes my mornings sweet. I think I had a case of "Postpartum Anxiety" that created some heavy sleep difficulties for me in the last few months. I'm glad to announce that I think I'm finally past it and back to normal. Thanks God! Really, it really was all up to the Lord, and I'm glad it's over.
Running
My plans for today also include going out for a long long walk, and possibly a run with my dear hubby when he comes home from work. He's training for a half marathon and has been running more than a few times a week, every week. I'm proud of him!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Rest of My Wednesday
Floor Plans
Ethan and I are trying to come up with a different floor plan for our kitchen. The previous owner of our house did some modifications to the kitchen. Then we modified some more. Now I think that the original floor plan was actually the best for the space we have, but it was an old floor plan for a closed up kitchen which we wouldn't like anyway. Our main problem is placing the stove, refrigerator, sink and dishwasher within the correct distance from each other. We decided each to come up with 5 different floor plans and then try to see if we can combine some of them. So far I came up with 1 plan and Ethan came up with lots of ideas but no plans. This project might take a while!
Desperate
I knew it was going to be difficult to stay at home every day, but I thought that if I get really busy with my baby then it won't be a problem. Now, David is 7 months old and I realized last week how difficult it has been to stay at home every day. I'm so used to work, work, and work! Now that David is so easy to take care of, I think I have too much free time on my hands and cleaning the house is really not exciting. I try to get out of the house every day at least once, but it just not enough for me. Also, I grew up in a big family (not huge, but not small) lots of noise around me and very little alone time. I love noise and I love people and I love to stay busy all the time. I don't require any off time.
David was done with his Colic crying at 3 months of age. Today he really doesn't cry much and he takes 2-4 naps a day and it usually sums up to about 3 hours. He sleeps 12 hours straight at night. I'm glad I have a relatively easy baby. Thanks God. But, this leaves me with even more quiet time, which makes me more desperate for some noisy time!!! Hens I'm thinking about looking for job at a daycare or something so that I can be busy, and take my baby with me!
Ethan and I are trying to come up with a different floor plan for our kitchen. The previous owner of our house did some modifications to the kitchen. Then we modified some more. Now I think that the original floor plan was actually the best for the space we have, but it was an old floor plan for a closed up kitchen which we wouldn't like anyway. Our main problem is placing the stove, refrigerator, sink and dishwasher within the correct distance from each other. We decided each to come up with 5 different floor plans and then try to see if we can combine some of them. So far I came up with 1 plan and Ethan came up with lots of ideas but no plans. This project might take a while!
Desperate
I knew it was going to be difficult to stay at home every day, but I thought that if I get really busy with my baby then it won't be a problem. Now, David is 7 months old and I realized last week how difficult it has been to stay at home every day. I'm so used to work, work, and work! Now that David is so easy to take care of, I think I have too much free time on my hands and cleaning the house is really not exciting. I try to get out of the house every day at least once, but it just not enough for me. Also, I grew up in a big family (not huge, but not small) lots of noise around me and very little alone time. I love noise and I love people and I love to stay busy all the time. I don't require any off time.
David was done with his Colic crying at 3 months of age. Today he really doesn't cry much and he takes 2-4 naps a day and it usually sums up to about 3 hours. He sleeps 12 hours straight at night. I'm glad I have a relatively easy baby. Thanks God. But, this leaves me with even more quiet time, which makes me more desperate for some noisy time!!! Hens I'm thinking about looking for job at a daycare or something so that I can be busy, and take my baby with me!
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