How do people manage being stay at home moms? I still don't get it. The only thing that makes sense to me is that they either become very mellow and just accept the facts or they were very mellow in their personalty prior to being confined to their homes. Maybe some develop depression. I'm at a point of wanting to jump out of my skin sometimes. I guess today I do.
I mean, I love my baby and my hubby and I'm glad that I'm the one to take care of my baby and his not stuck at daycare somewhere and that I'm not forced to go out and work. But... the truth is that I want to get out and work! Trying to deny it just has the opposite results I think. Also, I have a paradox. I want to get up every morning get dressed, put my make up on, put high heal shoes on, pack my baby with me, get in the car and go to work. Maybe get some coffee on the way. Oh wait wait... rewind... rewind...rewind...Oh I love coffee, too bad I can't have any! uh. So I can't have coffee, I can't pack my baby with me to work, oh and I don't have a job or know of any jobs that accept little 8 months old babies while wearing high heal shoes either! So I'm back to square one. Hi, this is me, with a smile. So this is my paradox, and we do want to have more babies so this won't get better any time soon.
So I ask again - how do people do this?! How do you stay at home, sleep at home, and wake up at home, stay at home, sleep at home and wake up at the same home again? No wonder developing sleep problems becomes a piece of cake when there's nothing more exciting to do (on a regular basis I mean). My baby is very exciting, but not 8 hours a day every day. I think I would like to just "pop" all the 3 to 4 kids we want now, stay at home with them until they are 3 years old and be done with it. They can go to a pre-school and I can get out of the house and go to work!
The other day I watched this documentary called "Born Rich" about these young adults who are so rich that neither them or most of their parents have the need to work, and they were saying how being rich doesn't make you happy this doesn't mean that they want to be poor, it just means that it doesn't make you happy and it doesn't prevent any other types of pain to from happening. I felt like I can totally relate. Funny isn't it? Well I do feel very "rich". I have everything I need and I don't have to go to work because I'm home with my baby. He really is an easy baby which is good, but still I have this energy that needs to be directed towards something in life otherwise I feel like I'm going to explode, but I don't always feel this way all the time, just once in a while, especially when something exciting happens and I realize that I haven't been this excited for months.
Uh, those superhero stay at home moms. I don't think I'm one of them. I think I can't wait until I can go out and work. Have to go now, need to wipe some of David's spit up off the carpet!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
New Post for a New Day
Today has been really really good. I slept well and woke up to the sun light shining into our bedroom. I felt great!
I slept well, had some weird dreams but not as weird as I used to have. Ever since David was about 4 weeks old, I've been having lots of weird dreams. Last night in one of my dreams I was in labor dilated to 10 cm waiting for the nurse to tell me to push, but for some reason there were other women around me in the same situation and I was wondering why we all have the same one nurse and who's going to push first. Then I was wondering about the pain, and some other weird stuff were happening. But no, we're not expecting baby #2. Last time I had a dream about a baby it turned out that David was on his way, it just that we didn't find out until a few weeks later on. what a happy surprise he was! I still sometimes ask Ethan how did we get this little guy?!
We also had a nice time at church today, got to see some of our friends and listen to a message about Jahova's Witnesses and others trying to talk about Jesus when in fact they have some other "Jesus" in mind who isn't God. It's funny, since we had them "tackle" our neighborhood recently and coming to our door more than once. I wonder if this week was their national "knock on someone's door day" or something. When they knocked on our door and I got to talk to them a little bit, I really felt uncomfortable, even angry a bit. I told this lady that I was a Christian but different from her because I believe that Jesus is God and she wanted me to prove it to her from the bible right there on the spot and she was really mad too which made me feel this weird anger that I haven't felt in a long time. Now, I was holding my dog from running out the door and David was behind me taking his baby talk so I decided that I really didn't want to get into this with her and it shouldn't be in anger either. Now why would she get this angry attitude? Maybe it's the Satan who claims that Jesus isn't God, facing against my Spirit who claims the truth!
After church we stopped at an Asian food store and got some ingredients for Drunken Noodles. Took a while to peel and chop the garlic and little Thai peppers and then crush them all together, plus chop all the other different Chile peppers and veggies... fortunately my dear hubby was helping which made it easier to prepare it all and at the end we had an amazing lunch, maybe a little bit too spicy but still great and worth while making!
I slept well, had some weird dreams but not as weird as I used to have. Ever since David was about 4 weeks old, I've been having lots of weird dreams. Last night in one of my dreams I was in labor dilated to 10 cm waiting for the nurse to tell me to push, but for some reason there were other women around me in the same situation and I was wondering why we all have the same one nurse and who's going to push first. Then I was wondering about the pain, and some other weird stuff were happening. But no, we're not expecting baby #2. Last time I had a dream about a baby it turned out that David was on his way, it just that we didn't find out until a few weeks later on. what a happy surprise he was! I still sometimes ask Ethan how did we get this little guy?!
We also had a nice time at church today, got to see some of our friends and listen to a message about Jahova's Witnesses and others trying to talk about Jesus when in fact they have some other "Jesus" in mind who isn't God. It's funny, since we had them "tackle" our neighborhood recently and coming to our door more than once. I wonder if this week was their national "knock on someone's door day" or something. When they knocked on our door and I got to talk to them a little bit, I really felt uncomfortable, even angry a bit. I told this lady that I was a Christian but different from her because I believe that Jesus is God and she wanted me to prove it to her from the bible right there on the spot and she was really mad too which made me feel this weird anger that I haven't felt in a long time. Now, I was holding my dog from running out the door and David was behind me taking his baby talk so I decided that I really didn't want to get into this with her and it shouldn't be in anger either. Now why would she get this angry attitude? Maybe it's the Satan who claims that Jesus isn't God, facing against my Spirit who claims the truth!
After church we stopped at an Asian food store and got some ingredients for Drunken Noodles. Took a while to peel and chop the garlic and little Thai peppers and then crush them all together, plus chop all the other different Chile peppers and veggies... fortunately my dear hubby was helping which made it easier to prepare it all and at the end we had an amazing lunch, maybe a little bit too spicy but still great and worth while making!
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